Memorandum of Paw
To: Silly Photo Contest Contestants and Spectators
From: Silly Photo Contest Ethics Committee
Date: July 6, 2012
Re: Report of the Ethics Committee -
Investigation of Gift to Chief Judge G. Riley
The Garth Riley’s FIRST EVER Silly Photo Contest Ethics Committee (“the Committee”) has recently completed an investigation into allegations of bribery resulting from a gift to Chief Judge Garth Riley from one of the contest participants. The results of the investigation are as follows:
On Friday, July 29, 2012, Chief Judge Garth Riley (“Judge Garth”) received a package from Australia. In accordance with the Silly Photo Contest Standards of Judicial Ethics, Judge Garth immediately reported this package to the Committee in order to avoid any appearance of impropriety.
The package in question was from a certain lovely and talented Australian Great Dane celebrity known as Honey the Great Dane (“Ms. Honey”). After munching a bit on the shipping envelope, Judge Garth opened the package with the assistance of his staff. The package contained a note from Ms. Honey and a gift of a package of kangaroo jerky sealed in plastic bag. Judge Garth promptly proceeded to try to eat the note, but was prevented from doing so by his mother. He then proceeded to enjoy a piece of the kangaroo jerky, which he reported to be “incredibly yummy”.
|Ethics Investigation Report, Exhibit A|
|Ethics Investigation Report, Exhibit B|
Judge Garth submitted the note and shipping envelope to the Committee for the purpose of the investigation but refused to turn over the package of kangaroo jerky. The note contained no mention of the contest. The shipping package indicated that it was posted in Australia in early June.
Findings and Conclusion
The Committee has thoroughly investigated this gift, and concludes that it was indeed a gift and not an attempt at bribery. The Committee's reasoning is as follows:
(1) The gift was posted before Garth Riley’s FIRST EVER Silly Photo Contest was announced. At the time it was sent, the Contest had not been announced and Judge Garth had not been named as one of the judges.
(2) The gift was clearly sent in the spirit of friendship and was not intended to influence Judge Garth’s decision in any way.
(3) Because Judge Garth is so attractive and charismatic, it is not at all unusual for him to receive gifts from his lady friends. [Editor’s Note: In fact, he encourages it!] Such gifts are given as an expression of admiration and friendship with no expectation of quid pro quo by the giftee on the part of the giftor.
(4) Judge Garth immediately reported the gift to the Committee, and has ensured the Committee that he can remain impartial although many of the contestants are indeed his friends.
In conclusion, the Committee finds that Ms. Honey is an extremely thoughtful and kind Great Dane for thinking of Judge Garth and sending him a delicacy unavailable in the United States. [Editor’s Note: Thank you SO much, Honey! That was very thoughtful of you and your mum! The kangaroo jerky was a real treat for me and a nice surprise. Kangaroos taste great!]